Posted by RainMan | Blog, Main, Reader Submissions | Posted on March 6th, 2012
(thanks RainMan…1st time submission)
My good ole mate Davo is a bit worried about a op he has to have in three weeks, so he’s decided to catch up with me in LOS for a ‘before I die, bucket list’ pissup. The problem is, without too much detail, he has to have 3ft of rotten gut removed from his bowel, otherwise he will continue to fart uncontrollably for the rest of his life every time he gets too excited. Now, it’s not that they’re really bad stinkers, it’s just that there really fkin loud, I mean trombone loud!
Around 5pm we end up hitting some cheap dives along Bangla and shot pool until about 8pm, a relaxing intoxicating afternoon with Davo who was starting to chill and seemed to be putting his impending dissection woes behind him. Actually, I was surprised he hadn’t dropped his guts once which is usually great in a crowded bar.
We’re now half cut and decide to patronize the GG’s, the first was Rock Hard, where it all started to go pear shaped. I really like watching a newbie when he first sets eyes on 40 writhing gyrating hotties on stage doing their stuff, always funny, their mouths drop open and spit dribble slowly finds it way to your lap, been there. But no, not Davo. Just as two cute little waitress’s pull up in front of us and asked what we’d like for drinks the music also stops for a split second, Davo lets one rip, fair dinkum, the timing was impeccable, the two waitress’s hair blew straight back and I’ll be fkd if I didn’t hear champagne glasses break. Every dancer on stage spun round and glared at me like I was driving a semi thru a mob of roo’s on high beam, the waitress’s hair never went back in place, it just stayed in frozen blow-back. All I could see was Davo’s back as he bolted for the exit still fartin like a pop rivet gun. Prick, I left some money on the table for the torn seat and wai’d my way out.
Mates do that.
It was decided to just get some freelancers and cut the embarrassing moments, and anyway it was high season and not cheap in the clubs. We ended up, or talked into by, a very sharp hottie to go a three-way, good price and that was on my bucket list as well. Into my room we go, first alarm bell went off at the front desk when the FL didn’t have her ID and talked her way in, she was a smooth alright and very tidy, great peachy ass. I did hear a little pop from Davo, but all good so far. So she has a quick shower, Davo pops a quiet one, he’s excited, we down half the mini bar. It was horrible sight, two fifty yr olds scullin beer and a cute 26yr ole on her knee’s priming our plumbing gear, me thinks she’s done this before, damn thought I was the first, but never let experience spoil a good time. Away we go, no moochymoochy, straight for the fur pie I go, and Davo’s at the smiley end tryin to put it in her ear, he’s a funny prick, then it goes fkn pear shaped again. I looked up from her shaved pie for a split sec to see Davo close one eye and curl his lip, a bad warning sign. The trombone let loose an I swear it knocked the picture off the wall, little miss twosome spat Davos sausage and jumped off the bed scampering in shell shock to the door. Now when your ears are ringing from a trumpet blast you seem to loose sight of your surroundings for few sec’s, and this was all the time little Miss banger needed to pickup my phone, 3,000bht (her fee anyway) and solar powered mens watch I bought from a railway station in Beijing, it was guaranteed to work until you left China. Buy the time we gathered our senses and realized she had scampered, we both staggered to my balcony stark naked and watched little missy bolting down Bangla road, half naked screaming something in Thai “Think she’ll be back?” Davo asked “No”. Should we go chase her? “No” Won’t get our money back? “No” What do you wanna do now?” “Let’s go drink beer and shoot pool” Davo farts.
This is a very exaggerated story but based on what actually did happen, Davo has since had a success full op and now has a drinking problem.
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